The victim mindset can be a very destructive tool in our lives. It's rooted in the idea that we are powerless, helpless, and unable to make our own decisions. It can lead to stagnation and feelings of helplessness, low self-esteem, and depression. It can also have a negative impact on our relationships, by causing us to be overly dependent on others, blaming others (or our circumstances) for our misfortune, and be unwilling to take responsibility for our own lives.
Every time you think that you can't do, be or feel something until... Or you feel dependent on someone, you place your power outside of you. For instance:
I need an apology in order to heal.
I am unable to be happy because of my childhood experiences.
In order to make more money, I need more clients.
If only my partner would change.
If you find yourself feeling like a victim, it’s important to recognize your emotions and take steps to change your mindset. Take ownership of your life, recognize your own strengths and weaknesses, and be willing to take risks to reach your goals.
There's a difference between being an actual victim and having a victim mindset.
If someone hurt you, it's only natural (and healthy!) to be upset, angry, anxious, and disappointed. If you were wronged it's best to first acknowledge it and deal with the emotions that arise from that.
But if you hold on to feelings of resentment, if you're not able to forgive, you won't be able to move forward in life. And that, frankly, is a choice.
I often ask my clients who were bullied in high school for instance, how long this abuse lasted. Sometimes it was a one-time thing, a couple of months, a year... Let's say this happened 20 years ago. And they're still affected by that situation/period in time. This means that they perpetuated that experience for all these years in their mind. Who's the real bully here? Who's meaner? Who's been doing this to them for the last twenty years?
You see what I mean?
I don't want to downplay horrific, traumatic, lifechanging experiences. I don't want to blame and shame anyone. I do feel it's important to realize that we have a responsibility here. We owe it to ourselves to rise above our victimhood. To live fully, to be happy. We owe it to ourselves, our families, dear ones, ancestors and offspring to heal and stand in our power.
No one ever got better from staying in victim mode. And it's far more common than you might think. What I'm talking about it remembering how powerful you are. That you're the creator of your life. And that life is an invitation to learn and grow.
Don't let others clip your wings.
Don't let fear dictate your future.
Your regret will be much greater than the discomfort of owning your shit.