I've done A LOT of healing work these last months.
Deliberate, intentional, transformational work.
Every day, each "free" moment, going further and deeper
into the shadow parts of my psyche and soul.
And I loved doing that!
I forgot that I need to allow some time
to integrate all those changes and upgrades.
I went so overboard with overdoing it,
that my body had to step in and remind me.
I was stirring up so much shit
without waiting for the waters to clear up again.
A few days ago I woke up dizzy.
Like really, really vertiginous.
I was lying in bed, I had just rolled over
and the whole world started spinning uncontrollably.
It passed rather quickly...
So I didn't think too much of it.
That same evening I had another episode.
A lot longer.
It scared me senseless.
I couldn't sleep because the world
was swirling inside and around me
and I could hardly move.
A couple of days I could barely function
because I was feeling zo dizzy and nauseated.
I knew what it was: my vestibular system
was off balance.
After a few days I contacted my doctor,
but there was little I could do besides
a specific movement procedure to help
the crystals in my ear tubes to get back in place.
There was no clear physical cause for it.
(In my case there hardly ever is.)
It would pass on its own.
I just had to wait...
For me, nothing happens randomly.
I knew my body was trying to tell me something...
I started to dig deep.
I asked my body.
I asked others for help.
And now it all makes sense.
I was doing way too much.
I lost my inner balance.
I was afraid to move forward.
So my body put a stop to it.
But most importantly:
All that shit I had stirred up...?
Needed some time to settle.
This was EXACTLY what was going on in my body.
But I wouldn't have "gotten this message"
without these severe symptoms
that kept me stuck for days.
I would've kept going and going and going and going...
I wouldn't have paid attention to the little girl inside
who was scared of all the changes and holding on for dear life.
I wouldn't become aware of the fact that my whole system
needs to adjust to those changes too.
And that it's important to allow for time to integrate them.
And to evaluate the new state before moving further.
I mean, after a healing, the body needs to find a new balance,
a new way of being, recalibrate...
And it's only AFTER it's done doing that
that we have a new starting point
and we can chart a new course...
Thank you, body!